Many people are bullied throughout their life, frequently people do not stand up for themselves. Morality can often depict people’s personality. Though people may be strong, but if they do not stand up for themselves, other often think that they are weak. Robert Frost once said, “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” I did the exact opposite I allowed myself to be bullied into silence.
Throughout my school career, I was in and out of the hospitals, which made it hard for me to make friends. The reason I was in and out of the hospital is because at six months, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Arthritis has given me a roller coaster of medications, treatments, surgeries, infections, as well as hospitalizations. My family has always been there for me no matter what. Even when I was in a coma for two months and another two months for rehabilitation they were there every day. Once I was able to be at school again, people started to bully me. I have always been strong as well as fought through things in personal health issues and family aspects. When this happened to me, it was people I thought were my friends, I could not stand up for myself. Something I believe one should be able to do is love them self, which is a lifelong challenge in itself. I could not do that personally, and I could call myself a hypocrite. I feel that my decision to not stand up for myself was immoral. Instead of sticking up for myself, I told only my mom, which was fine until she went and fought my battles for me.
It was around lunch time, in fifth grade, when people started bullying me. I was at home, recovering from a hip surgery, meanwhile I received text messages. At first, I left them alone. I was severely tired from all the pain. However, my phone kept buzzing, and I decided to see what was going on. On the screen, there were multiple messages from two or three of my classmates. The first couple of texts were talking about my looks, and the next few were about my personality. I now know that I am not that person who they were talking about, although as a fifth grader, I did not know that.
My mom could tell something was wrong just by looking at me and talking to me, and so she took my phone away from me. After I told her, she went to the school. The school took away their phones and called their parents to pick them up at the office. Over the course of the weekend it continued, the school then said they were not able to do anything because it was not their property. After hearing that, she posted on her Facebook wall that I was being bullied, and the school did not do anything about it. Somebody who had connections to a news channel contacted the news network, and there was a report done about this incident. The report did not help with the incident at school, however there was a lot of individuals across Minnesota who reached out to me in support and shared with me their stories of being bullied as well. When I went back to school after the program aired, I continued to be bullied even more. My past friends called me a “tattle tale,” a wimp, and that I should not be at school. I chose to ignore them.
That summer (after the incident), I was playing at a park with my three younger brothers, and some boys from school were there. As my brothers and I continued to play, we were harassed by a group of five to ten boys. They taunted me and once again called me a “tattle tail,” “wimp,” and to “run back to mommy.” I felt that my brothers did not need to be around that behavior. I wanted them to be respectful to everybody no matter how old they were, so we left.
When school started back up, one of the boys who bullied me had moved to a different state. He sent me a message saying, how sorry he was for all that he had done. As time went on, I forgave him. Throughout middle school, I was bullied, further, but not as severely as before. Again, I did not tell anyone what was wrong, or stand up to the bullies. My first two years of high school, I was ignored; which is worse than being bullied in itself. In classes, I would end up having to do group projects alone. I would go down to nurse’s office to eat lunch, or I would end up sitting at a table by myself. Even though, I did not have many friends in my high school, I had many outside of school. They would help to keep my spirits up, nevertheless many of them lived hours away.
I feel, not standing up for myself was immoral. Moral codes often keep us grounded. When one of our own morals is broken, everything else just unravels with it. Morality means, living by your standards of what is acceptable. It does not have to be exceptionally right or good, it just should be the standard. The standard of the golden rule should be upheld by ourselves. I think we should treat ourselves as we would want others to treat us. If we do not stand up for our self, then society will take advantage of that, and will kick us down when we are not strong. When we look into the mirror we will be disappointed in our self, that we did not stand up to the bullies. To be moral, I imagine, we need to be kind to ourselves, others, and the environment. individuals need to have empathy for others and contribute to society. If a person lives by their standard of love, respect, and compassion, for themselves, others, and the environment, they are moral.
From the experience of being bullied, I learned that it is best to fight your own battles. To this day, I still have low self-esteem and anxiety. If you do not fight your own battles, in my own opinion, it will cause pain to our loved ones and to others who are bullied, both now and in the future. By standing up and putting myself out there, I and others will gain a lot respect, which will help us gain confidence. I feel, if I would have stood up for myself, maybe less people would have been hurt, including myself. My voice could have been a voice for the survivors of bullying. I could have been the voice of encouragement instead my voice stayed silent and it was hard for me to ever learn how to stand up for myself. My mom was specifically more affected then I knew at the time. She saw the pain I was going through, even though many others did not. When she saw I was in pain, she would ask me what was wrong; I was persistent in not showing my emotions and held it all in, which resulted in me fighting with her. My mom and I have always been best friends, with the exception of this period, our relationship ended up getting bruised, either by stuff I said or did or vice versa. I started laying the bricks of the wall that surrounds me starting with not using my voice with the first bullying experience, and I have continued building my wall ever since. If I would have stood up to those children right when the bullying started, maybe I could have become an even better person, a stronger person, than I am today I could have shown others and my brothers, it is okay to fight back for yourself and what you believe in, not only is it okay; it is essential.
Being bullied made me learn to stick up for myself and for other people especially, when I am or they are being bullied. As cliché as it might sound, never judge a book by its cover; we never know what a person may being going through. I always put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay. I am learning that only causes more harm the good. When I pretend to be happy and I am not, I lash out at the people I loved. Being bullied affected me in a lot of ways. Once one of my morals was broken, I slowly started unraveling. If I would have stood up for myself, I would have been a stronger person than I am today. I suppose, I broke my own moral code by not letting the public know what was wrong, having my mother do it for me, and not using my voice. I made myself and others unhappy by not standing up for myself sooner, maybe this paper is the beginning of a new journey, using my voice.